The Women With Whom I Lay
I have laid 10 women in my time.
I came from a home which claimed that adultery would bring me to either the worst or 2nd worst circle of hell, beaten or matched only by hypocrisy. Upon hearing this there was a part of me, fuelled by the heroic legends of o Joey Tribiani, Jeffrey Winger, The Barney Stinson. I was inspired by Shawn Spencer, I yearned to live like James Bond, a man who laid with the most beautiful women.
And as stunning as these women are, and as much as I would have loved for them to be into me. There is a part of me which was trying to live up to these legends so that I could be happy and be a shinning star of guidance for my family before me, I wished for them to see me blaze through the panties of Warwick’s most stunning beauties, to be in London and going on the most outrageous journeys, because I wished to show them that there is immense joy to be had in being free.
Then my mother found out and it shattered her to pieces. At the time I thought she would just disown me and that would be it, things would be over. I wished for them to disown me, I wished for them to hate me, because then I can simply accept that these are my parents, I send them videos every now and then but mostly I embark on my journey of peace. But she didn’t, instead she begged for me to come home and I didn’t even know this was going to be a possibility, instead she asked me to come back to her and this broke me. All of sudden the life that I had created in my mind was shattered. The life of finding a beautiful white woman and having an unbelievably intense passionate love, to go into life and be completely free. That whole life burned alive before me, no, now I must come home and figure things out.
I must see if there is a life of unbridled joy and peace and my mother’s peace. The key was Islam, the key was understanding the truth. This desire brought me to Youtube and the explorations began. Since that day I have found topics of Astrology, Numerology, Gaia, Mother Ayuashcha, Aliens, Ancient Civilisations, Adi Yogi, Early Settlers, Pyramids, Floods, Fungi, Bees, Organics, Farming, Exercise, Self, Mind, Discipline, Peace, Freedom, Joy, Meaning, Sufis, Poetry, Art, Creativity, Music, Sound healing, Sound Construction, Lucid Dreaming, Transporting consciousness through the cosmos, Japanese Simplicity, Hinduism, Buddism, Taoism, Ram Dass, Alan Watts, Jordan Peterson, Stoicism, Pewdiepie, KSI, Young Filly, Chunks, Jocko Willink, Theo Vaughn, Joey Diaz, Joe Rogan, Chris Delia, Bobby lee, Chris Distefanoe, Shane Gillis, The presidents of the united states, Physionomy, James Pierce, Naval Ravikant, Theo Vaughn, Bitcoin, AI, Virtual Reality, Logan Paul, Aubrey Marcus, Sadh Guru, Dr K, Paul Statmets, Paul Chek, Paul Saladino, Megha, Carnivore, Sunlight, Tate, YMH, Bert Kreiser, David Goggins, Courtney Duwalter, One Punch Man, Naruto, Psych K, Full Metal Alchemist.
This is but a fraction of all that I have explored in my life in hoping to find the truth, this is simply a fraction. Firas Zihabi, Rumi, Imam Alghazali, Johanthan Pagaue, Pokemon, Power Rangers, Zoids, Shaman King, Digimon. I have began painting, drawing, sketching, writing, journaling, modelling, playing the ukelele, harmonica, guitar, ocarina, kalimba, learning Avatar music. I have listened to 2000s rap, contemporary and classic country music, classic rock, contemporary piano music. This isn’t simply a list of things I have seen. This is a list of things which I have had a profoundly peaceful moments and genuinely considered that now, after the 1 millionth time, I have finally found the thing that will make me free. This is but a fraction of the list of things that have moved me.
Not to mention my friends and family. All that I have mentioned above means nothing to the family which I tried to set free, in my mind all they will see is my broken rashy body. I hate being broke, I hate their gazes on me, yet I hate actually being successful too. It all kinda makes me angry. Fuck you, just fuck you, you aren’t what I wanted you to be. Fuck you, Fuck you, Fuck you for not being cool like me. This is me and my family.