Right now I am just happy and alone away from my friends.
The idea that one day I might go skiing with James and we’ll cook 2 separate meals.
I’d rather my parents see the love I feel when I eat James' burrito. The electricity in my teeth when I dip by taco in his dip. It’s an electric fire the first bite. The sauce in your mouth, the first bite, it’s fire, it’s amazing. I can say no to alcohol, but I cannot say no to masturbating and eating haram.
I can say no to cheap porn. But to be surrounded by all these stunning women who at any moment could become the dirtiest thots. That I a man, could fuck a woman so tenderly that she doesn’t exist in reality any more. That I can see a woman and just feel nice, that one day a woman sensitive to perfection might one day tell me that everything is actually alright. That a woman might be completely lost and I get to bare our suffering to bring her freedom. Fuck off. When I have a good day and I sit down to slowly break myself with nothing but some good oil in order to sleep into the cosmos.