60 — finding peace
Do I go out looking for inner peace?
Do I try to understand the truth and the inner workings of my own mind?
Why? To resolve an issue, to have even more intense experiences with friends and have even more moments of satori with my mother, father, brothers and sister. So that I can tell this to others and feel adequate when walking around.
This is currently my everything and I am learning to move a mountain to get a better sun for my tan — stop, there is nothing to be gained from this pursuit, not that peace is not possible, but moving mountains is —
Why the desire to brag to society? — Whose validation are you seeking? — how much money/validation does a person need? — what is it you really wish for? …. Be serious — why does a man chase status his whole life, what is he afraid of!
Is there anyone you know who is free from this chase — do you trust your mind.
Environment — I did everything I did because of my environment.
I am still controlled by my environment — my environment innevitably dictates everything, Do I have free will or control? My environment is why I chased status, my environment/nature dictated my desires, I am here, there are too many variables to think about where I will end up — but there’s more — each thing has a consequence — I am here because of my environment — DO MY THOUGHTS CONTROL ANYTHING MEANINGFUL NO BITCH — HAS ANYTHING MEANINGFUL COME FROM MY THINKING ABOUT IT BE SERIOUS — Prolonged Desperation is an issue.
Hunt for it once okay but to keep going after it is stupid, to take it personally, failure happens, do not take it personally — you might die — there is nothing right or wrong about this — you might grieve — there is nothing right or wrong about this — i never saw my father griev his mother or father’s deaths — now my other grand parents are ill — the moment is always fleeting Arsalan — chasing status or seeing that the moment is the only thing that is truly valuable — you can chase for the act of chasing the food you get in return will be fleeting but at the end of the chase there will be another moment so eat not for prolonged joy but because it is fun to consume meat then there will be another moment of digesting the meat — enjoy this also — it will never last past the moment and once complete there will be another moment another impulse and another desire — neither of these will last longer than they are running right now — nothing you gain from any activity will ever last longer than the activity itself they may bring food and joy and wealth but those are all hollow - they may be used as tools for other activities but the joy does not come from the activity the joy is the fact that you are active - the moment is the moment the fruits are the fruits it is the activity which brings all the joy — the nouns themselves must be let go — the peace you gain from being present whilst eating is worth a thousand 3 star taste bombs which leave your mind hyper active — hunt a good hunt, cook it beautifully, enjoy the meal, rest and wait to see where the next moment will be — what ever it maybe will be glorious as long as you have the correct understanding