50 Why write all day everyday
I write on everything and everything because I just want to be able to sit at a keyboard and vomit out something interesting. No! Not interesting, something which brings about a sensation in people which inevitably will bring money into my pocket.
I wish to swindle people from their money, I, a man who has only really paid for and enjoyed one book, I, a man who has read and enjoyed several articles for free, I, a man who loves Where the Hood At by DMX. I appreciated vicerallity, there’s money in it and I wish for my income to come from this confusing dance of words and effects on little people, their minds so easily amused by the silliest of writings, they so quickly captured by my hands, fools, if only they knew that there is nothing in these words, that I sit here and vomit out nothing onto nothing with the sole desire of taking their cash, the cash they so happily give, bad cash goes to bad things, and I am your dirty little whore for your insides, I make you hate everything you and your mother hold dear and you love it, slut.
A little rambly^ but fuck it. I mean you know, it’s a thing, not like I know what I’m doing here, I’m literally just avoiding revision to write out this crap, is it an excuse, yes, yes it is, I feel like I can get away with not revising to do ‘my art’ what ever that means. And to ‘get away with it’ literally just means I can get some money, have time free, laugh with friends/family without any interventions and get laid regularly by a lady who keeps her shit together. And ‘my art’ I dunno, I like it, it makes my body hurt less, I’ve written things down and it’s made me feel good, I breath a sigh of relief, I feel good, I’ve cried! I’ve come to tears not from my writing but as I am writing, reading over it I see that it’s silly, but as I expel the words, oh man, I actually feel something, it’s so much better than TV?
I really want to get good at writing good tales for people so that I can get paid lots of money! And I don’t want to sit there an think hard right now, I just want to be interested in what I write I just want to write all day and everyday and get better and better and write a better and better story that people are really interested in. I want people to love to read my work, I want people to avoid their work so that they may read my work. No, I want my work to bring them to tears, I can’t have them all forever but maybe I can have just enough to bring in some cash for a while, I don’t know how long I’ll do it for, planning this out for a life time feels annoying but avoiding the long term makes no sense. FREEDOM, people talk of freedom, they say have no expectations and you will be free, I want to be free!!!!
Firstly I expect freedom to feel good, I expect that I can get there from doing certain things. It probably doesn’t. I expect freedom will make me more successful, I guess it won’t. AAAAAAH.
I write because at a certain point I see the futility of my mind, it is silly and profound and I have no idea what to do about it, this right now is it.