It’s all well and good that I’m writing and getting my feelings out but I’m still not making any money. I’m not getting any good work out of this, and the chances that I’ll be able to ever feed myself off this is absolutely minimal.
So what of anything that comes of this. Why are you trying so hard to be valued and be respected? What do you truly desire?
I have this idea in my mind, of living for and helping the farms, I think there is a variety of things which can be grown with so many different effects and I just wish for those things to be grown and to be shown for everyone. I wish for these things to travel around in nice, cool and kind ways. I don’t think everyone needs everything instantly from the other side of the world. I think there are enough cool farms around us that we can take pictures of and share with people so that everyone is making fun cool foods every now and then. Doesn’t have to be always but I really do just wish for beautiful markets, wonderful farms, incredible videos of things being made by the great artisans of the world and sharing it with others, I wish for this to become my reality.
So why didn’t you go after any of this when you had the chance for 2 years?
Because of movies and technology. As beautiful as that dream was, I only got it from film, TV and YouTube, these 3 all require a large hoard of people to get together. The minerals for the phones and slave labour that put it together, the lawyers, the accountants, the judges, the investors and bankers, the janitors. And I don’t hate my phone, I don’t hate my laptop, I don’t hate the internet. I wanted to hate it but I don’t. I was telling myself that I hate it all but I was wrong, I’m sorry.
I don’t know what’s going to happen with all the litter, I don’t know what’s going to happen with all the plastics, I don’t know what is going to happen to the ocean. I don’t know what is going to happen to all the animals but it sure does feel like all the natural world is gonna go. It does feel like all our factories and farms and cities are too much for it all. But I think there is a solution, I think good farming can solve the issue with no sacrifice. I think good strong independent farming and business can solve the matter for everyone. I’m not sure on the role of technology here, but I think we are getting closer man. I don’t know what happens to all the resources I honestly don’t and I don’t know what we’re supposed to do about it. I don’t know what to do about the super volcanoes man, I don’t think doing all the good for something will ever work and I don’t think it is ever Good when it is done like that. I think we just have to accept that we don’t know. The human race has to come to an end eventually, everything will have to become dust eventually and if not there’s no way or reason to protect everything, we don’t want or need everything forever man. Do we want to live forever, do I Mo, want to live forever will it do anything for me, should I be trying to live forever? Do I want to die?
‘Technology was inevitable’ it was inevitable that minds make mistakes and experiment a little too far. It’s inevitable that in a world where God is happy with whatever, that wild shit like this happen all the time. So what do we do about it? What do I do about the shear craziness that is my reality? not just on my TV, What do I do about all the adventures that are truly open to me right now? All the dramas. What do I do about the fact none of this makes any sense? we might live forever, aliens might be real, AI might be controlling us all, what on earth is there to do about any of it? I don’t get it!!! Where’s all the fun gone? Where’s all the fun gone! I don’t get it. Why do anything ever?
My mum called me and she broke her heart when she found out I was with my friends, so I decided that I’m not going to drink anymore. I’m just desperate for something good man. I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do about a mum with a broken heart and a job that I’m struggling at other than find a way to endure because running away just isn’t an option anymore. If they kick me out they kick me out what are you gonna do, but just leaving and trying something else, why won’t I do it? Why can’t I just let go and move on! I know I could, I know I could just runaway and move on to something else. It won’t fix anything for sure, I’ll still have to get a job eventually, I’ll have to get something or other done, I’ll still get pissed off at other people but I might be able to move on afterwards.
… I can’t believe I’m doing this.
You are a normal person Mo, you are a person like everyone else. You are going to be good at a few things and you’re going to be really bad at a few other things. And this will take some of the pressure off of you, so you can live a full happy life. Sorry it took me so long to tell you all of this I’m kind of a sloppy mom and sorry it’s just your imagination.
That’s okay Mom, no one is perfect at everything.