You may be chasing after the secrets of existence in order to solve every problem.
I don’t think this thing exists, I don’t think there is one thing which will cure everything and every possible thing other than approach each issue individually as is. But even this is not a clever insight, it is exactly what any person would do when they give up on finding ‘IT’, ‘IT’ might no exist.
There is no secret of the Gods which will fix the hurt. Not to say the hurt can’t be fixed, but each pain must be looked at individually.
You may be chasing the secret to never making a mistake. I’m sorry man, I don’t think it exists. Mistakes will be made again, it is the absolute nature of things. Poets stumble, birds fly into windows, lions starve, bears eat their cubs. This depresses me, but even then, without trying to see the bright side I’m only sad for 39 seconds and I can crack a little smile, a little one.
You might be looking for the secret to never feel sad, without control, again. This I do think there is a secret. ‘Go be sad’ it’s okay little one. You will not live a life without sadness. Tis’ the way of it.
You may want the secret to never having disgusting or violent thoughts again. You might be worried that these thoughts are the first few drops which cause such acts and so must be stopped now. This I truly don’t know. I don’t know if buddha had such thoughts but realising that his thoughts were meaningless jibber jabber so he ignored them (not even sure if that’s true). I don’t know if realising the ‘self is an illusion’ (whatever that means, I think it’s the idea that ‘I’ as an individual am not actually in control but that doesn’t mean much to me tbh) that one becomes mindless. I really dunno. Try art.
There sat Mo. Writing a piece of art, desiring to create perfection. Desiring to increase admiration.
There sat Mo, self reflecting, desiring to increase admiration.
There sat Mo, desiring to stop desiring, to increase admiration.
There sat Mo, uncomfortably lost and confused. There sat Mo, trying to change this into something cool to increase admiration. There sat Mo, lost and confused.
A thought of his mother came. There sat Mo, hoping this would be something important to fix his confusion. Nothing changed but he does feel lighter. There sat Mo, finding a justification for his confusion, now he’s sad with a little resentment. A smile. There sat Mo with a thought.
There sat Kevin, the most perfectly admired man on the planet. With exactly the level of admiration that Mo wants at every moment. Kevin’s feeling of how admired he is is exactly so that he never feels any urge to feel more or less admired. Content. He feels admired by God and himself. He has nothing to prove to absolutely anyone ever.
There sat Levin. He has a dial that he can turn to feel as admired as he wants. It doesn’t change anyone’s behaviour, just how admired he feels by that individual. Dates, break ups, job interviews, firings, mum, wedding, divorce, he had absolute control. His mum could be shouting at him and he’d just turn the feeling up more, this would piss her off, she would leave and he’d keep it up. This made him feel bad, so he turned self up. This made his friends and family worry so he turned that up. They left, this made him feel alone so he turned God up. He stopped working, he got fired. There sat Levin feeling loved but not happy.
There sat Bevin. He has a dial which genuinely changes the way people feel about him. He can make himself loved or hated by as he pleases. He would commit crimes and just turn love up, he’d hurt people and just turn god’s love up. He’d hate himself and just turn self up. He was loved by all.
He started to think that maybe this was all a delusion, he said oh well but was still a little sad. He was loved by God so much that God took away his uncomfortable feeling. He made it all feel incredible. God gave him absolutely everything. God had to give him some video games, then more and more elaborate adventures. Eventually the games got bigger and bigger and God had to hold out, he had to let him have his fun, so he made him forget his control of love, even took it away on some occasions. God told him all the secrets and took them away from him, left him with nothing but puzzles. God gave him dreams, hopes, nightmares, sadness, joy, love and heartbreak.
One life time Bevin was completely lost, he was living a life, he had no idea what was going on what would happen, no certainty on good and bad, no control, just a feeling. God being God was able to be uncomfortable and laugh at the same time. He was able to be sad and happy at the exact same time. This was the next best thing for Bevin and once this is over there will be another. Sometimes Bevin realised his true reality, sometimes he thought this but wasn’t sure if it was true. Other times he’d realise and forget over and over again, once he fucked Cleopatra, once he was a lion, once he was two different people at the same time and he got to experience fighting himself, once he felt the pain of being eaten, once he was Cleopatra.
Sometimes Bevin would ask, sometimes he wanted to be surprised. But God being God knew it was alright, he had control, he was giving Bevin everything. God’s the creator and had complete control so ‘fuck it lol’. He’d seen the secrets and chosen to forget, he’d see himself live all these lifetimes, he’d live in the moment. Once he was just a rock. Once he felt everything all of life felt. Every time, God just had his back. Sometimes he felt meaningless, sometimes he felt meaningful. He lived as Christ, Batman and once as You.
Once, he went backwards through time, once he was an alien, once he went to War. Sometimes he was in bliss, other times he was yearning for it, sometimes he knew, other times, he didn’t. It just all is what it is.
Note from Mo- This is the wildest shit I’ve written so far…………….Nigger
NOW THIS IS THE WILDEST SHIT IVE EVER WRITTEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!