Adrianna Chechik puts her body on the line. She’s hotter, fucks better and gets paid money to play fucking video games. Naval lives it up and Peterson nearly dies.
Kapil is a dick, Watts cheats on his wife. Soldiers die And I don’t get it.
I’ve been lying to myself. I don’t genuinely believe everything will turn out alright. I know death will break me. All this exists and people move passed it.
Golfer’s swing, men drink, women fuck.
Goku fights, japanese men draw, black artists died starving.
Wuwei won’t fix it and I hate the stoics.
Tupac died.
Why God why?
Is my drama really worth it.
My brother prays but drugs, food, porn and TV make me angry.
I want it all.
How do I take it?
Every moment is to get something from others.
I know deep down I want to say something to myself.
I haven’t got it all, I haven’t figured it out, I’m not a god. I’ve come this far and I couldn’t give a shit. I want the next one, always wanted the next one.
I really hope I pass my exams man. I really hope I pass my exams man. It sounds gay but man, it would be so long to not pass my exams. I did try hard, I did want to succeed, I tried not to worry about it but only because I thought it’d make me stronger (which might of made it worse). I wanted to say I figured it out. I hate worrying about my father. My mother. Me.
Waiting for these results is really freaked me out. I wanted to be the best and I knew I was being dumb but I really thought I was going to make it. I’m so worried about not passing my exams, it’d be long for my rep if I didn’t make and it’d be long for my rep if I did make it.
If I do pass these exams that’s fucked up too man, I did nothing. I’ll really ‘have’ to make something of myself if I pass em.
I’ve pushed working less and less every time. Every time I say I’ll work but I never do it. When I do work hard its because I think I’ve already failed and I want to go down in agony. Is there no middle way. AND not one where I just go to class and sit down and listen and do all the homework. GO FUCK YOURSELF. GO FUCK YOURSELF. SUCK ON MY DICK YOU ARSEHOLE. ‘Just go to class and do the homework’ I … don’t … wanna! Go fuck yourself will I go down like Jesus, he saw the beauty of your life in every aspect. Buddha saw the fucking universe in a drop of water I just see a drop of water, you arsehole. (Thanks for listening btw, obvs I don’t know who or what I’m talking to right now but I feel better :)) I ain’t going down like them. I saw your beauty in having fun. I wanted to have fun.
And another one. Don’t make music videos so Hot if you wanted me to be nice to my mother. And don’t make me not realise how much it’ll hurt my mother if she found out who I really was. And don’t make me too afraid to tell her about it, she might’ve taken my phone and sat me down with a priest. Worse her actions could’ve made me so much worse. Yep fair enough, I see it now, that was a good move on your part, fairs. Things could’ve gotten pretty rogue if my chip for my family was bigger, I got to play and chill with them a lot, and I didn’t hangout with so many dumb dumbs because of that which was nice. And yh, it meant I believed in myself at least till uni which was nice.
Probably would’ve boned more but I know I know, someone cool surprisingly playing footsie with me at a restaurant was cooler. I’m still gonna try to bone but knowing that was pretty fire.
Thanks for getting me KPMG, I don’t know how much it was me or you but either way pretty snazzy. Bet Zheir Mamoo and I guess most people were pretty happy when (and radhia and raaj and pupu and pupu and mani and pupu and abu jaan and ami jan and i bet aba G and ami G and james and vinay! and sattish and ben and KK and chiara and jen and my dad and my mum and faizan and namrah and furqan and attiya and tas and mani and saki and omer and furqan and usman and qasim and shibbah and tehreem and mehreem and maryam and mehran and annie and amber and waqas and mum and dad and hala and hala and hala and hasnat and misbah and even hala and chachoo and well yh and chachoo and farhan and bilal and suleman and razwan and todd and imran and tanweh and akif and umair and uzair and api nazish and chote mamoo and bare mamoon and i bet hannah and ruby and adday even siman and other people like the amaury and ines and jan and lad and charles too and matt and beth and natalie and kate and emma and josna and luke and ali and jaime and hannah and behtan and zoe and dammie and hatty too and lucy and roxanne and heidi and lily as well and ehi and SHIV and SEB and MINU and SHanil and rapha and aaron and andy would’ve been really happy too man, I bet they were all pretty glad) I got this. Thank you for Rishi and bella and shailish and gopu too and jules and andrew and nicole and ishan and ishans sister and ded and roman and tristan too and reefs and ruian and nik and neel.
Passing the december exams was pretty wild too mate, thanks for that. THaank you for all the arrrt, for Joe rogan and his guests anthony, jim for jocko for goggins for akira for naval for duncan for bryan for brendan, all the podcasts, thank you for my phone for youtube for spotify for instagram for paul chek for ben greenfield for aubrey marcus and kyle kingsbury for Lex! for michael, thank you for the trips for bermuda for colorado for amsterdam for alpes for sicario, the marathon, the peaks, the peaks with vinay, days with Will, cozzy, dave, dom and JP, hassan and joe! faisal, shola, ryan, kim, cathal, connal aaron, ben, ben, curran, thanks for the cineman trips, for fast and furious for maariyah and maria and sophie and all the possible trips i fantasised about, the songs, all the songs, the videos, the movies, the tv shows, the documentaries, national park adventures, goku, vegeta, frank castle, daredevil, anakin, obi wan, donnie yen, iron man, thor, capital america ash ALL THE LOFI, pikchu, arcanine, jesse meowth, gohan, picolo, Gon, kiluwa, netoro, among us, pewdiepie, wesley snipes, jon claude, triple H, undertaker, goldberg, brock lesnar, john cena, randy orton, thank you for Hassan, andrew, cha, ye, Z, passenger, james blunt, lumineers!, kodaline! astrid S! Dido, thank you for the art, really thank you for the art that helped in that time.
I’m sorry the women I hurt when I was going out to clubs at uni, tilly to the french lady, sorry for all the stares, sorry for all the pursuing, sorry for it all man. Sorry to leah, sorry to nia. (NOTE i am only saying this because there’s no way anyone would read this whole document, if they are, oooh wee, I don’t like spicy food but I will put whatever is available in my mouth so you do you but please please please please please please don’t make it long for me to get a job afterwards or do, you do you) Thank you for community and sorry for to the people i was weird around because of it. Sorry to adday, sorry for making it awkward. Sorry for the racism and homophobia and anti semitism and generally not seeing the seriousness of situations. Sorry for playing the wutang clan video, my bad. Sorry to Grace if me not being so attracted to her wouldve made life better. Sorry to my mum for taking so long and for still knowing this won’t change too much.
I really hope my dad finds a way to express himself so that he can die comfortably. I’m his son, I know what’s going on man. Taking this long to open up was probably something I got from both sides of my family.
My bad for being so dumb in school, for vesuvis, for just letting people walk over me. Sorry for not trying hard to be the hero I know would feel pretty cool to be and for not making more appropriate moves on pretty women. Sorry for holding back, sorry for putting myself out there in such a silly way. Thank you will smith and ryan reynolds they were pretty cool.
I gotta go now … but i’ll be back later k